Navy Update and Arrr!Pirates

I know many of you have been wondering what's going on with this Navy processing of mine and I want you to know that my application was OFFICIALLY SUBMITTED TODAY.

I should be sitting before the boards in January and, pending Congressional approval, will go to Officer Candidate School in Feb/March.

IF I am not selected to become a Commissioned Officer in the U.S. Navy I did complete my 2010 registration for the Foreign Service Officer Test. Again. Much to my chagrin. Happily it only took 40 minutes, and not the 3 hours it took last year because I had a print out of last year's in my desk. (Pack rat 1 - Cleaning people 0)

NOW, if you've been following my Naval aspirations then you know that my dream Navy job is to work off of the East African Coast doing Intelligence for Pirate Hunters. I even planned my own TV Show, with Kathleen:
Ensign Aly, Pirate Hunter
with a theme song...
"Bum de da da Pirate Hunter!
Bum de da da, on the sea!
Bum de da da Pirate Hunter!
Keeps the world safe for you and me!"

Yeah. ANYWAY, my computer shows the top 20 headlines from the day's news. Today, #10 was: "Some in crew blame captain for pirate attack."

Pirate story!? *click*

Okay let's read the story together and then come back and discuss. So everyone go here and read THE ARTICLE.

You liked that, right? Okay so we're gonna break it down:

Let's start with the photo and the caption. Firstly, NICE HAT, Captain Phillips. Are you winking? I can't tell if your eyes are open or closed. HEY! Maybe that's why you didn't see those pirates coming!

Caption:

The former captain of the Maersk Alabama, Richard Phillips, listens to a question during a Nov. 19 news conference in Norfolk, Va. The lifeboat from which he was rescued is on display behind him.

He LISTENS to questions. He doesn't answer them. You can't say Captain Phillips isn't a good listener.

Alright so the first paragraph basically says, he was taken captive, so he's a hero, even though he was kinda told not to go there, so he's also kind of a douche. Oh and it wasn't just one warning, it was like 7 warnings. Let's simulate that, shall we?

Hey, Capt. Phillips,
Don't go there. Don't go there.
Don't go there. Don't go there. Don't go there.
Don't go there. Don't go there.
Best of luck,
The maritime safety group peeps

"If you go to the grocery store and eight people get mugged on that street, wouldn't you go a different way?" said the ship's navigator, Ken Quinn, of Tampa, Fla.

YES, YES I WOULD. In fact, Even though I am the President of the Upper Orange Street Block Watch*, I would MOVE.

The rationale for sailing in the "pirate zone" was to conserve fuel. So I want to know how much they were going to SAVE versus how much it cost to save his butt from the pirates.

Company spokesman Kevin Speers would say only that the Maersk Alabama operated in "high-risk waters quite frequently, and that is part of the considerations that we take in putting together vessel security plans."

Good thinking, Kevin. Ships that operate in dangerous waters should have security plans... Hey Kev, have you met my friend Captain Obvious? I think he has lots of idea on how you can protect your ships. Like um... LISTEN TO THE WARNINGS, and er... KEEP TO THE 600 MILE SAFETY AREA.

Now this is what confuses me: "[the]Crew [were] unaware of advisories" BUT WAIT! I just read that "Four of the 20 crew members told the AP that they blame Phillips for the hijacking." Huh. So really the crew don't know why they got attacked by pirates, but when in doubt, just blame management.

Related Article: Admiral: Sea too large to stop all pirate attacks... Dude, THEY ALL COME FROM SOMALIA. MAYBE, now I'm just throwing this out there, MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT SOMALIA NOT HAVING ANY INFRASTRUCTURE.

Best quote: "It's a big ocean. To stay 600 miles away, it's kind of hard to do, at some point. There's a limit to what they could reasonably do." Wait... You just said it was a big ocean. So... it should be EASY to stay away. Don't be cheap.

Best advice ever: If we look at this here GIANT MAP OF PIRATE ATTACKS, we can plainly see that YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE A BOAT ANYWHERE THERE.

Thanks for reading and best regards,
Alya

*Upper Orange Street Block Watch was formerly known as the East Rock Block Watch. Please stayed tuned for a funny block watch article involving a missing chicken.

Election Day, $8 Coffee, and a Lawn Sign Surprise

I would like to take a moment to congratulate Justin Elicker who won the election on Tuesday November 3, 2009 for Alderman of New Haven's Ward 10. He ran a good, clean campaign based on the issues. I was very proud to be a part of his campaign and to be able to share in his day.

While it is sad to see our ward no longer be represented by an Independent, I am so pleased to know that Justin will be our Alderman. His commitment to stem crime and care for East Rock Park, as well as the way he plans to take on controversial issues like the new Worthington Hooker school opening and rezoning of out Police District.

Additionally, I would like to thank him again for helping me start the Upper Orange Street Block Watch(formerly the East Rock Block Watch). This group has given me the opportunity to become more involved in my community and meet new people.

NOW, Something has gone wrong with my local economy. I went to the little store at the corner that just opened up while I was walking around to help collect the candidate's lawn signs after the election had ended. I wanted coffee. The large cup of coffee with milk and sugar and maybe some foam and caramel syrup stuff, and a croissant: $7.69.

NO FRIGGIN WAY.

America, we need to talk. Alyson is unemployed. Mostly. Alyson will over-pay $7.69 for lots of things: movie tickets, burritos, books, The Economist, $5-foot long sandwich, even a box-o-condoms if it came to it. What? You should ALWAYS use protection people (= best advice ever). But a cup of coffee and a croissant, that's a maximum of $4.50.

So, little shop on the corner, you owe Alyson $3.29 in breakfast food.

And while I went around to collect lawn signs I noticed something fishy. I think there is a Lawn Sign Conspiracy in my district. I am going to describe the situation and you are going to tell me if I am on to something dastardly.

The Elicker Campaign had asked people if they could put lawn signs on people's private property a few weeks ago. The night before the election a group of volunteers put out an additional 100 campaign lawn signs in the tree strip, this put the total number of lawn signs just for the Elicker campaign to about 175 in a 10x10 block area. The campaign was going to organize volunteers this weekend to remove these signs.

Two days after the election (today) I walked for a mile and a half up and down the streets of my neighbor hood and saw TWO lawn signs belonging to the either Aldermanic campaign. I saw EVERY Mayoral lawn sign still in place, and many of the Aldermanic opponent's signs had been removed as well.

Technically putting signs on the tree strip is illegal. All of the Alderman signs from both campaigns had been removed from Ward 10 (but not Roland Lemar's in Ward 9).

I think there was a conspiracy organized by the mayor to keep only his signs up in our ward after the election.

Political lawn sign sabotage? I think so.

Thanks for reading and best regards,
Alya

America Tastes Like Hot Dogs, and Tears

The Fourth of July is the best holiday. This is mostly because of hot dogs (it's the only time of year I eat one, and I secretly love them... but I don't know what kind of animal it is...). This holiday is also amazing, however, because it makes me feel so patriotic in a normal way.

Let me explain: In the past I have always felt patriotic, but in a semi-subversive way. For example, "I love my country but dislike the direction of the leadership," or something to the effect of disagreeing with the general attitude of the leaders. But on the Fourth of July, its about history and pride and enjoying my freedoms, and I don't have to argue with people about how I can support the troops AND THEREFORE want them home in safety, or how I do love my country, and it's my right to free speech to disagree with certain aspects of our domestic or foreign policy.

It is wonderful for one day to not feel the need to argue semantics and nuances of why and how I love my country but may be dissatisfied in that moment. And this year, with my new President, and Mrs. Clinton in charge, I can safely say I love my country with such fervor it moves me to tears- like this one, right here. See it? I bet it tastes like freedom and America.

Now, I realize that if I get my dream job I have to fall in line and only express that opinion at the ballot box, and I am reconciling myself with that. Part of me thinks that's going to be a piece of cake and I'd do anything for that job. Yet another small part has trouble giving up my outspoken nature, which in many ways has gotten me where I am today.

I think this is a great time to just say that any time I want to love my country in my own way I listen to This American Life. This public radio show truly brings to light the small details of our culture as well as the huge overarching commonalities we all share. The stories are funny and moving and intelligent, and every episode makes me think about something in a new way. So this July 4th, before you enjoy your traditional Americana and fireworks and bbqs, listen to This American Life on National Public Radio at 4pm (or check local listings, or download the podcast).

Srsly, it'll rock your world and change your perspective and if you want a list of recommended episodes, ask. However, the best thing to do is just search for a word, like "Paris" and you'll get "Americans in Paris" which I listened to while living in Paris- totally made my day and made me feel less alone. Or search for Nauru. ;)

Thanks for reading and best regards,
Alya

Citizen Canoe Guide

Since I have no job, I decided to spend some time volunteering for the Park's Department and the City of New Haven as a "Citizen Volunteer" Canoe Guide. Mostly this is because they offered free lessons. The lessons were a good way for me to get a work out, and be away from my mom. That's called multitasking. What follows is a "Connecticut Adventure."

Saturday was a busy day filled with information about kinds of oar strokes, safety instructions, and the ways in which people can die while enjoying a seemingly pleasant canoe ride.

-People get drunk and fall into the water and drown.
-Or they pee over the side and the canoe flips cause it's to much weight on one side and they drown (Martin, the head of "fun park activities and sports" for New Haven, or whatever, who taught us [I swear he was real] said that this is "something men do because they don't know how dangerous it is" and the only other male in the group added, "because men are stupid." to which I say in my head, "... Oh you've met my ex-boyfriend. Excellent.")
-Or they go fishing and get hooked on something and the canoe flips, and they drown.
-Or it's a nice day and they canoe with their best friend who accidentally hits them in the head with an oar and they get knocked unconscious and they drown.
-Or the weather turns and they go over rapids and they tumble out of the canoe and the water is cold and they get hypothermia and they drown...
-Or they bring their puppy in the canoe, and it starts barking and freaking out with all the water. So the swans nearby freak out and one of them starts chasing the dog in the boat, and the dog goes nuts and jumps out of the boat, and then to save the dog and the owner jumps out, and the boat is floating away, and the owner nearly drowns while trying to help the dog who nearly drowns because the swan just keeps pecking away like in "The Birds"... you know... true story.

So maybe mostly it's the water that kills them, not the canoe, but you can't canoe on land, that's called... digging a hole with an oar from a boat.

... No seriously guys, you can DIE. Wear a flotation device. And no drinking while canoing. And no dogs in boats. Srsly, if you need a seeing eye dog, you have to call ahead to the Park's Dept.

My abs hurt from rowing. This is because I learned how to row properly, which apparently involves my abs and back more than my shoulders. My knees also hurt, but that was because the front of the boat is tiny, and when I sat for three hours with my legs pressing into the gunwales (pronounced gunnels...cause it's British.. I kid you not) I got matching bruises on the side of my knees. It's cool though cause they make me look tough.

As a particularly adventurous person, I was one of two people willing to be the "helpless capsized victims who needed rescuing." So Becky and I paddled into the middle of the Mill River and capsized (fun!) and treaded in 7 feet of water until the other people took turns rescuing us. What is so legendary about this is that in the 18 years I lived across the street from this park, and no more than 500 yards from this river, THAT was the first time I ever swam in it. It's not one of those rivers you swim in. It's brackish (gross/salty), murky, rocky, and might have things like snapping turtles, leeches, rusty things, bite-y fish, sharp stuff, and like... cancer. Basically I took a good shower when I got home. BUT I feel really quite satisfied with having been in the river. My life was missing something and now I have completed that thing on the check list. It's a beautiful river, don't get me wrong. I just don't want to touch the bottom of it.

I also was the only participant to wear a skirt. I wore a skirt because I knew I was going to have to get wet, and by wearing a wrap skirt I could easily disrobe into the bathing suit I wore underneath. It was probably the best thing I could have worn actually and I'll do it again. Yeah, you got it, I'm gonna be THAT canoe guide who wears skirts. The white shirt I wore over the black bathing suit on the other hand may not have been the best plan... Nor was the OTHER white shirt I brought to change into when I got wet and needed dry clothes.

Good news is I learned from this experience.

More good news is I got an orange Coast Guard whistle and as a result feel pretty legit about being a canoe guide.

If you want to see me "in action" you can come to the Friends of East Rock Park event on June 13th and help clean up the park, eat food, and come for a canoe ride with me as your canoe guide... IF YOU DARE! Because as we all now know, Canoing is a deadly sport. No for serious. Canoing kills. So do it properly.

Thanks for reading and best regards,
Alya

P.S. The photos were taken this past autumn, but the first is the bridge right next to the canoe launch, and the second is RIGHT WHERE I took my little dip in the river! In the middle of that calm area there.

P.S.S. See the island in the second photo? We practiced turns around that island for about two hours. That's the closest I think I've ever gotten to it except maybe when I was little and went canoing with my family with canoe guides (they were so cool! and now I'M COOL! or... um... not... whichever really. Eye of the beholder!) POINT IS: When I was a little girl... let's go with... ages 4-10 I wanted to build a house on that island when I grew up.

P.S.S.S. I still kinda want to build a house on that island now that I've seen it up close.

The most useful advice ever!

I have here, in this blog post the most useful advice you may ever receive.

Now, I could just tell you, but that's not as much fun for me. You could also think you're gonna scroll to the bottom, but that's not fun for me either. SO somewhere in this message about totally random events is a sentence that you should live by. A piece of advice so helpful, you will never need any other piece of advice. Is it "don't ever invest in the stock market" ? No. But I wish I had heard that before I entered into this whole debacle. For the first whole week I traded I dreamed about puts and calls and moving red and green numbers. It was horrifying. I would wake up more stressed than I went to bed.

The problem with trading online is that it is one of the few things you can do where you aren't reliant on another human being to support you. You don't need someone else to cut you a check, you are self-employed in a sense. The problem is that it's so risky and most people have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING. Lucky for me majoring in economics and living abroad for a large portion of my life has acquainted me with the global market. I have some knowledge of the intricacies of foreign exchanges, the complexities of commodities and manufacturing and the ways in which better performance in dry bulk stock can be an indicator that China is on the rise. But honestly, NEVER move back in with your parents, it is the worst mistake you can ever make in your life.

You like how I did that, huh. Doesn't it just kill you that you kind of could just skipped to the end anyway?

Thanks for reading and best regards,
Alya

P.S. I decided that this post would be more fancy if I added a picture. The photo of the financial district was taken from my old bedroom in Jersey City.